Accidentally Offensive

I am plagued by being accidentally offensive. Things that, when framed by the context clues in my mind, seem harmless and, in fact, rather hilarious, suddenly become poison darts that wound the hearts of my companions.

I assure you, my intent is only to make you laugh. I seek not to offend, but to amuse. Instead, the parting of my thrice accursed lips yields naught but unspoken hurt and pain. They may end up laughing along with the joke, but the mood is spoiled, ruined, defiled by my flagging wit. Supposedly I'm a ball of sunshine. A spark of good humor on a cloudy day. That little bit of sarcastic humor that can turn even the most depressing of circumstances into a belly-clutching, knee-slapping bit of hilarity, but I know. I know that it is not so.

I can see it in their eyes. In the halfhearted smiles of those outside of the interaction. In the way they carefully avoid eye contact while uttering lies about how it's okay, how they're not really offended, how they misunderstood the joke. I know. I noticed the subtle stretching of distance between us. The way the rest of the group clusters together more tightly while I lag behind.

What's worse, sometimes I know exactly who I'm going to offend. Not that the moment is intentional, but I know who, it's only a matter of when. Gift or curse I can read people while being completely oblivious. I know well enough how people's temperaments will likely react to each other, or to my own. Even so, in that moment, in the rush of conversation, my flurry of wit knows no filter, no censor, no sense. Before I can somehow stop the words, capture them and sentence them to incineration, they have escaped to pollute the entirety of the universe.

Am I whining? I don't think so. Should I buck up and fix this? Probably. I try, I really do. Fasts of silence, separating myself from those I may hurt, but time after time I relax my vigilance and then the poison-tongued demon in me strikes out again. If I could but tame this beast, my undoing...

Enough with the doom and gloom. Give me an hour or so and I'll be back with something funny to say, I hope.