In one fell swoop, I am alone again.
We say we are devoted. We call each other friend. We use the "L" word like we're discussing the weather. And yet, surrounded by people who claim to, and may actually care, it is so easy to find yourself alone.
In these instances, it's like I've never gone anywhere. I've not progressed. Like the darkness that once consumed me is nipping at my heels again. I want to tear my skin off. To draw blood and watch it gather around me until I can sink into the sweet bliss of unconsciousness. Yes, even death is beginning to regain it's appeal. One cannot be haunted by failure after death. One cannot be anxious about the future when having one ceases to be an option.
It would be such a relief to be able to just...rest
To my pain tangible.
To bleed out this darkness inside of me.
