Just...alone

First of all, I want to apologize. This blog started off on a fairly hilarious note, promising hilarity and good observations galore. Instead, you have been inundated but spontaneous questioning and the wayward thoughts of a mildly conflicted adolescent. I have nothing humorous to offer you at this instant, but I shall ndeavor to add variety to this drab and depressing collection of consciousness.

Now, to the point.

Sometimes, you just want to be alone.

I mean, sure people are great for providing support and good advice. They can give you guidance and direction when you can't see the lighter side of dark. But, not always. Sometimes you can't even help yourself. Whatever you want to say, whatever you wish you could say is swallowed up by the intensity of the moment. So you may think about inviting another into whatever you are experiencing, but then the fear, the doubt, the reality of your conjured depravity sinks in and the thought of revealing this other side of you to another is nothing less than horrifying.

Granted, this isn't always the case. Sometimes, you just want to be alone to process the moment. That's fine. That's healthy. People don't always respect this fact, but when you can get that time alone to process, you can come out on the other side better than you started.

But, that's not what I mean here. I'm talking about that feeling that is so beyond your comprehension that you lack the ability to do anything but feel it. Not just that mental flurry of association whenever it pops into your head, I mean that insistent pressure on your chest. It hurts. Actual, physical pain. If the seizure in your chest wasn't enough to pull your attention away from everything else, you might have felt your heart pounding in your ears, noticed your breaths shortening, realized that your arms trembled just the slightest bit.

To let anyone into this personal prison would be, in a word, unacceptable. Unthinkable, impossible, pick your word.

Snow!

Snow is an excellent prelude to hilarity. People handle it differently in different parts of the world. In my corner, they freak out and prepare for the apocalypse. It's actually rather amusing.

Blinds close, people avoid the outdoors as if it were a plague, a woman is seen traversing the not-so-wild terrain of an outdoor mall in snow gear and skis, and of course, someone, somewhere, sees fit to provide us with the obligatory "Wet Floor" sign at an intersection.

I grew up in Michigan. Snow isn't a big deal. Snow days don't exist until you've got around five feet. Otherwise, wake up, suit up, and hop to it. Down South, this mysterious white powder is the harbinger of much panic and fear. Schools close, people stop delivering, and food is scare (not really, but it is for a college student).  Alas, we must suit up to brave the elements, and head out into the wintery land. None but fools and adventurers dare travel here.


...Ridiculous.

Friendship

One must wonder what happened?

Friendship, once upon a time friendship took more than a text message and an errant facebook request. Sure, shallow friendships have been around for forever, but I cannot help but feel that friendship has not been taken so lightly until recently.

There were records of friends so close, they were practically brothers. Women who wrote letter after letter, started organizations and schools, and helped each other through the hardest of times.When you found a true friend, you held on to them with everything you had.

I've been deleting people on facebook, and I find amongst my friends people I didn't know, didn't like, and those who haven't spoken to me since we got out of "that one class."

Is this what friendship is supposed to be? Should we be surprised when someone cares enough to want to know more about us?

Well...I forgot where I was going with this one, but it's something to think about.

New Year!!!

Hello, my lovelies.

I don't know if you are aware of this, but a new year has started. Last year was an interesting one. I found myself, as many college students do, turning into someone I didn't like. As is the way with new years, I feel encouraged and empowered to return to the way I was before "the corruption." In truth, it was nothing illegal, but there was a certain relaxing of moral standards that a previous me would never have considered acceptable.

So!

We're going to change. I don't know that publicly declaring this on the internet is going to make the resolution any more permanent, but it's worth a try.

Maybe I'm the only one, but I haven't made my goals yet. Everyone seems to have dreams and aspirations, methods of measuring success numerically or otherwise, steps towards better habits, or new interests they want to pursue. As of yet, I have none. I just want to be better, I suppose. A thousand little things that I could stop or start doing, habits I need to pick up or start, but there's no real way to solidify them into one concrete goal except to say...Be better.