It's Not Even About the Movies

I tend to have more eccentric tastes when it comes to entertainment,along with basically everything else. This individuality, for lack of a more meaningful word, has always been a point of pride for me. I never wanted to be just another one in the crowd.

BUT, THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES

I am alone. My interests are not likely to overlap with those of the people around me. The qualities I seek in friends are often absent, and refusing to compromise on those things makes an absence of people as well. I can't even fit in with my own family. I can't honestly say if I've ever truly felt like I belonged.

I sometimes ask my family to watch something that interests me. Sometimes, they assent. That then counts as paying their dues for the next month or so. Never mind how many times I watch their shows. Shows that cause me ACTUAL anxiety (Aren't disorders grand?).

Most of the time, it's not about this or that show. It's about showing that you care enough to try to watch something I like. To learn about what interests me. Instead, I feel like they have their own vision of who and what and how I am, and it doesn't matter what new things I show them. I'll always be the same. The difficult one. Always doing the opposite. Always being passive aggressive.

You want to talk about passive aggression? Let's talk about how I spent the first half of the day feeling miserable and guilty and ashamed, and at night, after it seemed that the peace had returned, I am reminded of how different I am. How much of  burden it is to figure out what I want. How I'm given every opportunity to share my interests, but I never take it. It's always my fault, my mistake, my baggage.

Maybe it was "the perfect day" for some of us, but it sure as heck wasn't for me.

So...

I never said it would be 30 consecutive days! XP

Anyways, I think today I'll sketch some characters that have been dancing around in my head.

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Shay (gift)  Rapp (dark-haired or raven-like) [working name]

Occupation: Trash collector (Residential Driver)

Age: 27
Height: 5'6"
Complexion: slightly darker than Rashida Jones
Frame: Sturdy, but muscular
Style: 90s comfortable (not always for the best)
Ethnicity(?): Black/Hebrew

Family: Moderate relationship. Sister- - 2 years younger, successful journalist; Brother- 5 years younger, grad school for psychology (closer)


Education: High school diploma, some college (History & Biology)

Basic career path: Graduated from HS -- Attended College out of state -- "Nervous Breakdown" -- Grey area -- Started working for WM @ 22

Interests: Forensic History, writing, Stocks


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Carter Reid

Occupation: Police Detective

Age: 32
Height: 6' 0"
Complexion: Pale. Irish pale. And a ginger too!
Frame: Lithe, lean, dancer-esque?

Family: Twin sister, stay at home mom and web designer. Parents, divorced, but amicable (provided they don't need to interact)

Basic Career Path: Grad. HS -- Entered police academy (19) -- college part time w/ tuition reimbursement -- Bachelor's Degree in criminology(?) -- Made Detective at 30

Interests: Dance, social justice, being a Maker

30 Day Challenge

If you read the title, congratulations, you already know I'm going to attempt a writing challenge. Everyday, for a month, I am going to write SOMETHING on here. It might be short, it might be stupid, it might be deep, it might be fictional.

So, for all the nobody who reads this, let it begin:

2:00 AM Friday, 3/20/2015

I wish I could write, but I'm dried up
like the Nile
River turned to blood
but I'm dying
There's no oxygen
No inspiration
No reason to recreate what I'm feelin' because
there's just
nothing

There's no Rushing this creative process because it's
all blocked up
there's no progress, just pain
nothing to gain, just praying for rain
on these empty fields

this empty feels
too familiar, I'm sick of seeing it
too much repetition of old lines
I'm sick of reading it
So scared of life I've forgotten how NOT to hide
I'm sick of fleeing it
but when I don't, all that fills me is
nothing


Technically that was cheating, because I wrote it a few days ago, but YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!! So, I'm using it anyway.