I tend to have more eccentric tastes when it comes to entertainment,along with basically everything else. This individuality, for lack of a more meaningful word, has always been a point of pride for me. I never wanted to be just another one in the crowd.
BUT, THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES
I am alone. My interests are not likely to overlap with those of the people around me. The qualities I seek in friends are often absent, and refusing to compromise on those things makes an absence of people as well. I can't even fit in with my own family. I can't honestly say if I've ever truly felt like I belonged.
I sometimes ask my family to watch something that interests me. Sometimes, they assent. That then counts as paying their dues for the next month or so. Never mind how many times I watch their shows. Shows that cause me ACTUAL anxiety (Aren't disorders grand?).
Most of the time, it's not about this or that show. It's about showing that you care enough to try to watch something I like. To learn about what interests me. Instead, I feel like they have their own vision of who and what and how I am, and it doesn't matter what new things I show them. I'll always be the same. The difficult one. Always doing the opposite. Always being passive aggressive.
You want to talk about passive aggression? Let's talk about how I spent the first half of the day feeling miserable and guilty and ashamed, and at night, after it seemed that the peace had returned, I am reminded of how different I am. How much of burden it is to figure out what I want. How I'm given every opportunity to share my interests, but I never take it. It's always my fault, my mistake, my baggage.
Maybe it was "the perfect day" for some of us, but it sure as heck wasn't for me.
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