What's a nonvo, you ask? It's an instance in which two individuals exchange words without really communicating anything. Each party has a message, but the other seems to have no opening to receive it. A nonvo is not always two sided.
For example, there are certain people who attract nonvos because they're always in the right/ they were the victim/ you just don't understand, etc. No matter how diplomatic, logical, understanding or empathetic you are, they will never hear your side of the story. The only reason they don't talk over you is that they're gathering ammo to tell you how you're wrong. Oftentimes this results in jabs (some might call them "examples") at personal struggles or a painful event in the recipient's past.
The nonvo magnet only wants a few things:
1. To be right
2. For you to agree with their opinion
3. (Optional) An apology
4. (Last Resort) For you to hurt as much as, or more, than they do.
This often leads to dead ends on relationship highways. Even with those to whom we are closest, little triggers here and there can close the gate they would lead to an improved connection.
It's frustrating. I hate nonvos. If you have enough of them and there's no emotional outlet, you will eventually explode. Sometimes this occurs in the next nonvo, when you finally lose your temper and rages spills out as tears and all your frustration is transformed into a megaphone through which you shout. Other times, the consequences are more private. An internal parasite that eats away at the roots of that relationship, affecting each and every part it touches, devouring the good parts along with the bad.
And just how are you supposed to kill the parasite? Cut the bomb fuse? End the nonvos?
I have no idea. Perhaps we could have a convo about it.
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