So, I'm crazy. You've probably figured that out by now. And some crazy people see therapists. I'm one of those. I see a good one. I've had the whole range of therapists, from ones who were overly involved in my life to those who fell asleep during one of our sessions. I happen to have a particularly good one right now. In our last session, she mentioned that there seemed to be three parts to me.
1) The Depressed Part
2) The Overly Responsible Part
3) The Enthusiastic Part
She said she got glimpses of #3 often enough, but the other two seemed to drown her out. So, I thought I might try writing in her voice. Just to give her a chance to have her say. Here it goes...
_____
Okay, so, let's talk about the world. It seems like everything is pretty bleak. No matter where you fall on the spectrum of world views, someone is telling you the end is nigh. Whether you're afraid of new people and a changing culture, or those who fight that possibility so fiercely, everyone is telling you to be afraid.
But look how beautiful the world is in spite of that! People are constantly told that immigrants and strangers may show up with the intent to destroy your world. Even so, people have welcomed hundreds, thousands, in some cases, millions, into their homeland. People have learned to see others as human, rather than a religious caricature. Sure, people are dying and suffering and hating, but people are also being inspired and moved to combat those things. People have started their own organizations to fight hunger, hate, war, drought, discrimination and everything that seems ready to destroy our lives.
And in the midst of all that is you. You're no magician, of course. You certainly aren't God. But there is still something you can do to make the world just a little bit better than it was before you. And that one thing is something no one else could possibly do. Their gifts may seem similar, their message in tune with yours, but you were created to fill a specific calling, a specific need, and only you were designed for the task.
This is not to say that everything is on your shoulders. God is still God, and the universe will continue with or without your contribution. But it won't be better. It won't be brighter. It won't have that extra sparkle of fairy dust that only you could add to the wonders of the cosmos. It's staggering to think about. That anything you do could change a life, inspire someone, heal someone, teach someone, build something, fix something, make something, discover something. And you were made to do it. You were made to do it.
Maybe you're not where you need to be to do it fully yet, but you are a work in progress. A living masterpiece growing ever closer to true beauty, completion, meaning.
And I want you to get there. Not just for the sake of the world, but for you. You know how you light up when you do that one thing. Teaching, volunteering, listening, writing, whatever. You know how others can feel when you've touched their lives. You know that you have your own skills and talents and abilities. You know this.
Still, there will be complications. Requirements. Hurdles. Degrees, job applications, finances, taxes, rent, mortgages, car notes, budgets, time, energy, etc. I know it too. And, to be honest, it scares me. It terrifies me. It takes me back to the darkness of the dorm room where you spent so many night crying, desperately trying to breathe while hating that you continued to do so. It reminds me of being so drained that nothing seems worthwhile, enjoyable, fulfilling, or interesting. It reminds me of how I have been crushed in the past. It almost makes me want to give up.
But there's got to be more than that. More than that weight, more than your depression, more than we have known before. Maybe, if we push through those hurdles, we can reach something that we never would have believed possible while in the depths of despair. I don't know the details on how to get there. I, too, am afraid that we will not be able to. That we're not strong or smart or functional or worthy enough to get there. But if we do...
Oh, beloved, if we do...
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