As long as everyone else is okay...

There's something queer about the thought that a person contemplating suicide must consider the feelings of everyone else in the world before committing the act. I'm not advocating suicide, but just think about it.

You have to stay alive for other people around you. So, as long as you're alive, everyone else will be okay. Nevermind the fact that the experience of existence has become so painful that you want to end it. Forget the fact that every morning is waking up to a nightmare. As long as you're still alive, people don't need to feel guilty, or responsible or convicted for the way they did or did not treat you.

As long as you're still breathing, people can rest easy in the knowledge that they haven't done anything too bad. They don't have to think of how you're hurting. They don't have to think about how alone you must feel. They don't have to worry about your health, your life, your dreams or your nightmares because the ugly stain of death has yet to color their rose-tinted view of the world.

The people who would call you selfish for trying to end your suffering are the same ones who didn't want to talk about it while you were still alive. Your pain is uncomfortable for them, so they ignore it, ignore you. And when your death creates a stench they cannot ignore, they get mad and blame your for making them confront these things.

Because, when you're hurting so bad you can't think of any other way to cope, escape, or end your misery, the best thing to do is ignore all that and think about how others might feel. Doesn't strike me as all that logical. People who are in the hospital for serious wounds aren't advise to think about how other people might feel if they died, then expected to use that to get better without any help. No. There's a doctor and nurses talking to them, listening to them, trying to find and figure out the problem so they can remove it. There are medications, surgical operations, therapy sessions, support from family and loved ones and more. Any doctor who told a cancer patient to stop being selfish and think about the people around them would probably lose their job.

Don't kill yourself, they say. Consider my feelings, they plead. Think about all the people who love you, they quote.

None of those things are a real fething solution.

All right. I needed to rant. I'll try to stop here, but I make no promises.